Jerry Springer as Bulfinch

PROLOGUE TO OEDIPUS

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, there's a two-lane bridge.
You pull up your very cool Camaro.
Somebody pulls up at the other end of the bridge in a Hummer.
You start across.
Hummer honks. Older guy yells. "Back up. I'm going first."

You get out, step in front of your car, yell back, "I got here first.
Wait your turn."
Passenger door on Hummer opens. Very large dude gets down.
Walks up to you. Doesn't say a word. Kicks out your headlights.

You don't think that was funny. So you go for your gun,
Shoot the big guy,
Shoot the older guy who's driving (no witnesses required),
Back the Hummer up, drive your Camaro across the bridge,
Go your way.

ALL IN THE FAMILY

The saga of Oedipus has been told and retold - you probably know it. Sophocles' play has every single plot in it that literature has to offer. This is the beginning: Laius, king of Thebes, believed the warning of the Delphi oracle that there was deadly danger to his throne and life if his newborn son was allowed to live. He committed the child to a herdsman with orders to kill the baby; but the herdsman was moved by pity....

Many years later, Laius, on his way to Delphi for more advice, accompanied by only one attendant, met on a narrow mountain road a young man also driving a chariot.

When the younger man refused to pull aside and let the king pass first, Laius's guard killed one of the young man's horses, and the stranger, filled with rage at the old man's pride, slew both Laius and his attendant. The young man was Oedipus, who thus unknowingly became the slayer of his own father (123-124)

Oedipus Remembered: The Mother-in-Law from Hell

To hear Moms tell it to Jerry (she's the first guest on stage),
She and her Sonny "have the closest possible relationship."
Then he comes forth -
He's a bleached blondel who didn't make it to blonde -
And whines about what a bitch he married,
All her faults - she does have a name: Leslie -
How Leslie can't measure up to his Moms -
Though this marriage has been going on for six years, two children.
And then we find out that Moms buys condoms for him,
Stuffs them into his Christmas stockings,
Into his Easter eggs, Fourth of July firecrackers,
His Labor Day beer coolers…you get the idea.
Even in the Halloween pumpkin!
You'd think on Thanksgiving she'd give him
A gross of party hats and call it a draw.

The much-vilified Leslie steps upon the gallows platform:
Meek, glasses, simple hair, prim clothes that fit,
And she looks comfortable in them.
(And she keeps them on.
This in itself is remarkable during Springer-time.)
Blondel yowls that 'Leslie's really a stripper, an alcoholic,
That the bitch calls him all the time, and so on…'
But it doesn't sound true….

She doesn't do housework, says Moms.
(No stripper or bitch on Springer ever does housework.)

Leslie was apparently just like this when she met this Blondel -
Glasses, modest clothing (intact and not disarranged).
People don't change when they marry - we know that.
Didn't matter then - lust is such a dust storm, isn't it?

When it's her turn, we get Leslie's version of things:
Blondel's the family drunk.
He's the ultimate mama's boy - always was; he must have strayed
From one maternal pasture to another - an accident, no doubt!
Blondel strips for us on the stage - oh, shortcomings!
But let's not forget there's Moms, in cheap black dress, low cut,
And what does Moms do? She pulls up her top
And exposes pitiful, sagging front acreage
As she says to the audience and her son,
"Look at that, look at this, which would you rather have?"

And the guy from the audience has the question to end all questions:
"How many guys wake up next to you in the morning
And gouge their eyes out?"

Oedipus Remembered: Commentary

Just to get your interest in Oedipus Tyrannos off to a good start: let's see - incest, murder, politics, power and the corruption of power - and so much more. There's a precedent in Greek mythology for every story - there's nothing new on the Springer stage. For example, the Titans were the third generation of gods. The first was the union of Chaos and Darkness, which produced the second: Light (Day) and Eros (Love). From them came Cronos and Rhea, full brother and sister, who produced Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Hades, Demeter, and Athena, and many more. As you can see, incest was not taboo. Nor was inter- and intra-generational warfare. Little was taboo.

Next chapter, which takes place after Oedipus has answered the riddle of the Sphinx and becomes king of Thebes: Years pass, during which Oedipus fathers four children by Jocasta. (They all will have their own savage stories to be told, play their parts in this bitterness.) Gradually, Thebes succumbs to a vile plague, which kills animals, children, and crops alike. Oedipus, the king, pormises to save his city. Plagues are caused by pollution which, in turn, is caused by sin - and only the god can reveal its cause. Thus, Oedipus sends his brother-in-law Creon to consult the oracle at Delphi once more. The god's answer is that the plague is caused by an unknown, unpunished murder - that of the former ruler, Laius.

Oedipus places a terrible curse on the killer - whoever he may be - and turns for help to Tiresias, the respected prophet. Tiresias tells Oedipus that he is the killer, and hints at even worse crimes to come. Oedipus is enraged, believing that Tiresias and Creon (his brother-in-law, next in line for the throne) have concocted this story to dethrone him and seize power for themselves. Tiresias departs with dire threats, while Creon tries to argue his own innocence. Oedipus rejects his pleading, and would have had him executed but for the intervention of Jocasta - who has close ties to them both. And then Oedipus remembers that long-ago day in the mountain pass....

Jocasta put an end to her own life - she hangs herself in their bedroom. Oedipus, in his madness and grief, blinds himself, for all he sees is ugliness.

Who Was Blinded in History?

The original Blondel was the paragon of a loyal and faithful minstrel and court attendant. On his way home from the Third Crusade, Richard I, Lionheart, of England, was shipwrecked, in March of 1192. His rescuer sold him to be ransomed. Blondel - so legend has it - went looking for his master. At last he found Richard, and the king was eventually ransomed. It's not true, of course, but you can rent the movie.

This same Richard I was the son of that happily maried couple, Eleanor of Aquitaine and Henry II of England. At one time, Henry imprisoned Eleanor for twelve years - she kept leading rebellions against him. However, she outlived him...ah, politics!

Movie: The Lion in Winter. The history of the English monarchy is full of wilder stories than this. But that way lies Shakespeare...and I have to restrain myself. Google up Oedipus and The Oresteia and start!

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